10-Minute Life Update

Disclaimer: this is a stream-of-consciousness post, so go with the flow :)

I am perfectly aware that my blog looks horrible right now. I just don't have the energy to try to make it look all fancy for you, dear reader, when an afternoon nap is calling my name.

That is the perfect synecdoche for where I am right now, as a matter of fact. I know there are things in my life that could be better - isn't there always? - and yet I have to content myself with less-than-best because there isn't enough of me to do everything perfectly.

This is a hard thing for a perfectionist. Parenting has been really sanctifying in this way (a common refrain on this blog, I know). The  moment things start to look out of control - and between a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old, it happens a lot - I feel that I have failed to fulfill my mission, the mission of perfection. It's debilitating. I am glad that God has graciously given me a self-analytical mind so that I can see this, and even laugh at it on my good days.

Speaking of laughter, one thing I'm slowly, slowly learning right now is how to laugh at myself and at situations. For all that I have a goofy side, I tend to take most things pretty seriously. It's why I'm good at listening and sympathizing, but bad at seeing the bright side of things and letting stuff go. You may guess that my husband is the more serious one between the two of us...but you would be wrong. He's the one that inspires me to choose laughter when faced with the choice between laughing and crying. He's the optimist in this relationship. I'm thankful for him!

It's strange that this July marks SEVEN years of marriage to Chris. Now that Facebook has the time-hoppy feature where you can look back on memories, I've been able to see several posts that occurred before I was dating Chris, or before I had even met him. In some ways I'm definitely who I was before (change comes hard), but in some ways my heart has been significantly transformed. It makes me contemplate the fruitlessness of comparing today to yesterday. It's like comparing an apple to a grenade. Or something.

Well, that's the sign that I should get off of here and take my nap...

Sayonara, dear reader!

Progeny

I’ve got nothing, nothing for you
All was spent for others’ care
I dug deep, but I am empty
And such mines are everywhere.
Every gem and golden nugget,
Every sonnet, every song
I have given to the children
So, pardon, if I’ve done you wrong.

I’ve got nothing, nothing for you
I have paid a pricey fare
To tread upon a different planet
View the castles in the air
And yet I do not regret it
Though in poverty, I leave —
Of more worth than what I’ve given
Are the gifts that I receive.

Time Flows

The clock pours out its empty string
Of numbers - stringing me along with
Promised meaning - meaning I will know
Where all these strings of numbers go

Time flows like everything else
So slowly - else I’m swept away when it
Move quickly - quickly learn to breath
Whether I’m drowning or dying for the water to seethe

The clock is a paradox of purpose
Self-trapping - when we purpose it not to
It’s freeing - freeing us to learn to live
With the contradictions that its numbers give.

Naptime Reflections - Missing My Makeup

For me, this is a season of sacrifices. Most often they are little sacrifices, but they really challenge me nonetheless.

Yesterday I was telling my husband that it feels like I haven't put on makeup since my first daughter was born in 2012. With two littles, I've pushed doing my hair and makeup every single day to a pretty low spot on the priority list. I do miss having the extra time to do it - it's a wonder what a straightener or a little powder can do to make a woman go from feeling frumpy to fabulous.

There's a real tension here, because we obviously shouldn't be relying on makeup to make ourselves feel good, or in an attempt to impress others. In addition, the Bible says to let our beauty be of the inward variety. At the same time, that doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong or sinful about a little honest primping. We just have to make sure we have the two types of beauty rightly ordered in our minds.

Anyhow, these are just some thoughts I've been batting around. Agree? Disagree? Beauty can be a sticky subject...but maybe it doesn't have to be. I just haven't solidified all of my thinking on it, yet.

All that to say, maybe at this time of life I'll just have to be content with having washed my hair and put on chapstick... :)