Some of you are probably sick of baby-related status updates and pictures now, and that's okay. I, however, have not yet written any thoughts on pregnancy, and it's high time for me to do so!
Pregnancy is an ongoing joyride for me. Okay, perhaps that's a little hyperbolic - what with the nausea in the first trimester and ultra-extreme mood swings and fluctuating appetites in the second - but I am truly enjoying life in a way I never have before. There is a HUMAN LIFE inside me, and she's kicking, turning somersaults, and making her mother laugh and exult in the pure essence of vitality and newness that she is.
Some of you know that Chris and I were unsure of when we'd be able to have children, due to varying risks with the two different antidepressants I've taken. After much deliberation, research and counsel, we decided to stop trying to actively prevent pregnancy last year. I've wanted children pretty much since we were first married, so you can imagine my elation when I found out that my oft-tearful and fear-laden prayer had been answered in the affirmative, quite soon after we made that decision. I suppose I expected God to give me the hardest circumstance in order to grow me (and the scary forms that took in my brain changed from day to day), but instead, he saw fit to bless Chris and I with a biological child, who is, thank the Lord, healthy and rapidly growing.
So, about that expecting-God-to-make-it-hard bit: I have what I like to call a "coping mechanism" that I should probably throw out the window, and that is to expect the worst so that if it happens I won't be disappointed, and if it doesn't, I'll be that much happier.
It's never actually helped me cope, by the way, but I keep holding out for it to.
Anyway, when I'm in my best frame of mind (that is, my most God-centered one), pregnancy gives me a hugely intimate and tangible reason to lift up praise to God. After all, children - whether biological or adopted - are a gift from him, and gifts from God are never to be taken lightly. In a generation where babies are seen as inconveniences and time, money and energy-drainers, I, as a Christian woman, can rejoice in the truth - that motherhood is an immense privilege, giving Chris and me the nearest and dearest little disciple we'll ever have, and letting us participate in the divinely-ordained act of both creation and molding into the image of Christ.
Until June 2, then, or whenever Baby decides she's ready to emerge from her happy, warm home into the wide, wide world, I will hold to these thoughts and thank the Lord for this time of life, even when it doesn't feel like the ultimate pleasure that is does today.
