Begging Like a Servant

Note for non-Normanites: Tarahumaras is a Mexican restaurant.


Ted at Family Fellowship, talking about a particular denomination:
"They think if you're sinning at the moment you die, you go to hell; if you're doing good, you go to heaven."

John, the teacher: "What if you're in Tarahumaras?"

Man in the back, quietly: "You go to Mexico."

---

Talk about a heart cry. Imagine yourself pressed on all sides by people--and spiritual forces--who hate you to the core. You are falling into despair. You defy them time and time again, because you know they're doing wrong--the world is so far from what it should be! Yet the wicked powers, dead-set on destroying you, only seem to flourish more as time goes on.

Now, imagine you're more eloquent and old-timey-sounding than you actually are. You might pray something like this to the God of justice:

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us (Psalm 123:2).

How exactly does a servant look to the hand of his master? Well, he knows his master has power over him and his future, and that with a word, the master can change his circumstances from horrible to wonderful...or vice versa. He approaches the master both in trust and fear--trust, because he doesn't know whether things will turn out good or bad, and fear, because he recognizes his authority and position is absolutely nothing compared to the master's.

The Lord our God is our master. Oh, to look to him with trust and fear like the servants we, as Christ-followers, are! If there is hope for the servant in the story--that is, the possibility of redemption from his bad situation--how much more hope is there for the servants of God, who know that they can trust him and that he is good--slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness!

If you will humor me once again, imagine yourself at the end of a long, hard struggle. Your enemies have been vanquished, and you are standing on the battlefield, looking at what the fight has left behind. The war isn't over--you know. Still, the vision of victory, the approach of peace, reminds you that though the war rages on, your hope is secure. God has promised to win in the end, and he will indeed.

If it had not been the Lord who was on our side when people rose up against us, then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us...Blessed be the Lord, who has not given us as prey to their teeth! We have escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowlers; the snare is broken, and we have escaped! Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth (Psalm 124:2-8).

P. S. Happy Independence Day.

Not-so-happy Mail

Chelsea to me at Homeland: "I love going grocery shopping with fellow penny pinchers."

---

Happy 100th post, Refining Process! I have just added you to the long list of inanimate objects I speak to!

Hi, dear reader. I received one of my short stories back today, the one my professor Mel said he thought had a high chance of getting published. He joked that there is no justice in the world if it didn't.

The story was rejected. I summarily sent Mel an email saying there must not be any justice in the world.

I happily acknowledge that errs a little on the melodramatic side. I am truly disappointed, though. I just got back from lunch with Karen where I was gushing about how much I love to write. During the drive home, I chewed on some wonderful, colorful plot ideas and was ready to hop onto the couch and start typing furiously.

Unfortunately, I blow such big bubbles that it doesn't take much to burst them! I'll keep writing and writing, because that's what I do, but I need to take an hour to recover from the keen letdown of someone rejecting the thing I poured my heart into.

Hey, is that how guys feel when they're turned down for a date?

Weird Whales, Weird World

"'Weird' is a weird word!"   - me, to Chelsea

---

Chris, Chelsea (a friend staying with us for awhile) and I watched a few episodes of "Planet Earth" (on blu-ray! Bam!) yesterday night, and I was crying out with surprise and delight the entire time, like a little child.

No wonder so many kids are fascinated with whales, lions, elephants...they are COOL! My childhood friends and I would see pictures of deep-sea fish with glowing lures and graceful dolphins in perfect dance and declare that we wanted to be oceanographers. Kids possess the subconscious knowledge that Creation is truly awe-inspiring.

Think about it! There is blue-grey mammal the weight of a 747, larger than the largest dinosaur ever was, just swimming around in the water--the water!--and it eats tiny krill instead of other big fish, like we might expect! Not to mention the gargantuan thing can jump out of the water.

Photo courtesy of soe.ucdavis.edu

And, how weird is an elephant? It's huge, and wrinkly, and it stomps around heavily and has a really long random nose-thing that can squirt water--I don't know about you, but I can't squirt water out of my nose--and it makes the strangest noise: Wa-iiiiih!

Photo courtesy of wallpapers.jurko.net

Come now. Give me credit for trying. :) In any case, God intended it to make that noise in a trumpeting forte.




In the bizarre, in the varied, God's creativity shines forth and shows him once again, in yet another way, absolutely glorious.





If you get the chance, watch "Planet Earth" (maybe even on blu-ray! Bam!) Prepare to be amazed, and to feel like a kid again.

Photo courtesy of declubz.com

The Voice of the People

Quote of the day -

Me, very seriously and convictedly, to Dorathea: "I'm planning to be more spontaneous this summer!"

---

It's summertime! What a great feeling! God is continuously healing me, mind and heart, so thank you for your prayers, and know that Chris and I are seeing the fruit of them.

I was listening to Casting Crowns' Lifesong today, paying close attention to the lyrics. I'm pleased with that CD. So many of the songs are written from the perspective of hurting people. They address things that are pretty hard to discuss, like hypocrisy in the church, a Christian's response to tragedy and periods of depression and darkness. You know, the stuff that ticks you off or makes you cry that you can never say aloud.

These voices aren't often heard. I proffer myself as a comparative example: this semester has been a practice in honesty for me--in opening up in all my pain and confusion and anger to people who unconditionally love and support me. The fact that that was so hard for me, a long-time Christian with a very fellowship-oriented husband, begs the question: What aren't people saying?

Surely, you've experienced the kind of pain that makes your heart feeling like it's literally breaking, or that makes your consciousness feel caged in the dark. I want to be a Casting Crowns kind-of woman, who sees and cares about what God sees and cares about.

In the words of my favorite worship song, Brooke Fraser's "Hosanna": "Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me!"

I feel like I've written this post before. In fact, I know I have. I've also written this addendum before. Ah, well, it's a refresher; moreover, a picture of where my heart is at as I do my best to surrender my feelings and my selfishness to my Lord and God.

---

I just remembered how in sixth grade, my best friend and I used to say, "yeppers peppers."

Humbled. Dangit.

Funny quote of the day!

Katie: "How can the CDC website be down?!"
PJ: "It has a virus!"

---

Hello, everyone.

I've been a bit lax at updating this thing lately.

These last few weeks have been strange: they've been a test of humility and patience and trust for me.

First of all, it's that time of the semester when all my professors assign papers and midterms simultaneously. Though my junior year has been relatively easy (compared to physics majors, for example), there's a lot to do.

As much as I joy in writing stories, they take awhile, and the word count is starting to rise--which is, though nerdily exhilarating, a bit overwhelming in light of the other things that need to be completed. I took my first stab at a crime story this week, which I not only turned in 3 days late, but was told that I didn't write correctly.

The week before, I received a paper at the beginning of Book of Western Civilization II class with a grade that made me grumpy. At the end of that same class, I received back a paper...with another grade that made me grumpy. You must understand, as a writer and an anal type-A must-get-an-A student, this was way discouraging for me.

I also skipped class one Monday (shocking for me, I know) because I was getting sick, and just happened to miss the one class of Honors Understanding Drama (1000 level) where a handout explaining a future assignment was distributed. So I did the assignment wrong!

Needless to say, I was frustrated at myself and confused about what God was doing.

I am no longer frustrated at myself, though I'm still confused about what God is doing. I guess I don't need to know, as much as I'd like to. If nothing else, I'm learning--what else can I do?--that my worth does not come from accomplishment.

It's amazing what side lessons you can learn at school.