Disclaimer: this is a stream-of-consciousness post, so go with the flow :)
I am perfectly aware that my blog looks horrible right now. I just don't have the energy to try to make it look all fancy for you, dear reader, when an afternoon nap is calling my name.
That is the perfect synecdoche for where I am right now, as a matter of fact. I know there are things in my life that could be better - isn't there always? - and yet I have to content myself with less-than-best because there isn't enough of me to do everything perfectly.
This is a hard thing for a perfectionist. Parenting has been really sanctifying in this way (a common refrain on this blog, I know). The moment things start to look out of control - and between a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old, it happens a lot - I feel that I have failed to fulfill my mission, the mission of perfection. It's debilitating. I am glad that God has graciously given me a self-analytical mind so that I can see this, and even laugh at it on my good days.
Speaking of laughter, one thing I'm slowly, slowly learning right now is how to laugh at myself and at situations. For all that I have a goofy side, I tend to take most things pretty seriously. It's why I'm good at listening and sympathizing, but bad at seeing the bright side of things and letting stuff go. You may guess that my husband is the more serious one between the two of us...but you would be wrong. He's the one that inspires me to choose laughter when faced with the choice between laughing and crying. He's the optimist in this relationship. I'm thankful for him!
It's strange that this July marks SEVEN years of marriage to Chris. Now that Facebook has the time-hoppy feature where you can look back on memories, I've been able to see several posts that occurred before I was dating Chris, or before I had even met him. In some ways I'm definitely who I was before (change comes hard), but in some ways my heart has been significantly transformed. It makes me contemplate the fruitlessness of comparing today to yesterday. It's like comparing an apple to a grenade. Or something.
Well, that's the sign that I should get off of here and take my nap...
Sayonara, dear reader!
