Before writing, the funny quote of the day:
Me: "She needs to be one of the people I call! ...Whenever I go crazy, you know?"
Chris, deadpan: "Yeah."
Today, as often, I am full of feelings. It's cathartic to post them here rather than let them stew brutally and silently in my brain. Plus, it's a great way to take a break from studying for the Midterm of Death!
I'm fond of saying, "I don't know how to do this life thing." Today, as often, I am certain I don't know how to do this marriage-social-life thing. Which begs the question: Is there one right way to do it?
A few points floating in my head that make the whole ordeal confusing:
- I am an introvert
- but I don't-and don't like to-hole up for long periods of time.
- I love people, and being around them
- but I am so terrified they will discard my friendship if I do wrong by them--in truth or no--that I freeze up and guard my true self from the majority.
I was just telling Chris I would like to invite over a group of college girlfriends that I haven't seen in awhile. Problem: I am terrified to plan and invite anyone to the darned thing. This is because:
- I'm afraid that I will be personally evaluated by its success.
- They won't want to come...at least, not because they want to see me.
- If for some reason it ends up not happening, I will be scorned by them FOREVER!
Haha. It's hilarious--okay, it's a little hilarious--to me to see these thoughts actually written out. It's just that I've always tried so hard to be a good friend, to a fault. And, mark me, while I'm definitely not trying to play the sympathy card, being married and in school means the social scene has shifted all around me. It's dizzying.
I love many things about the new situation. Also, lest you mistake me, I wouldn't trade my married life for anything.
However, I can't, and don't actually want to anymore (whoa! Is it okay to admit that?), just pick up the phone at 11 p.m. and say, "Hey, what are you doing right now? Nothing? Okay, come to my room and we can have random escapades until 3!" This change especially marginalizes my busy college friends.
I think I'm rambling, now. That's okay. If you have an answer to the aforementioned question, shoot me a comment, and I'll give you one of the homemade cinnamon rolls I made last night! :)
I'm totally with you on everything in this post. Social life changes so much when you get married. It's really hard at times. It's been over a year since we got married and figuring out the social life thing is still difficult. On top of that, we just moved a few months ago and aren't very established in our new town.
ReplyDeleteDo take steps to reach out to friends that you had pre-marriage! They'll be sooo glad you did (and you will be too!). It's kinda funny... Single people claim that married people disappear when they get married. And as a married person, it sometimes feels like single friends don't make effort to seek you out anymore. It's a two-way street, right? Rather than dwelling on the difficulty in adjustment and my inadequacy to put together a perfect social gathering, I try to step out and make conscious efforts to fight to maintain the relationships. Those friendships that I had prior to marriage are so precious to me and so very important to maintain. I've also felt the pressure of trying to make sure everything's just right when people come over. Why do we do that to ourselves?! :)
K. Done with my rambling. I think. This topic is so hard to work through. I'm right there with you! I would just say that it has helped my husband and I to maintain those friendships we had before we were married and have some separate friends. It's refreshing.
I'm definitely with you on these first three items:
ReplyDelete- I am an introvert
- but I don't-and don't like to-hole up for long periods of time.
- I love people, and being around them
I think Jenni hits a lot of it on the head. It definitely is hard to connect with that set of friends, and not just for you girls - for me, too, albeit in different ways.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart and your wisdom with the world, my love!
Oo!Oo! I want a homemade cinnimon roll! But I don't have an answer.
ReplyDelete;)
Relationships change, and that's okay. I doubt I will ever want to call up a friend at 11pm and watch movies until 3. But then, I don't live in the dorm and never have. That might have something to do with it. But, yes, you should still seek out your single friends (and it is a two-way street); they still want to be your friends!
Jaimie, you are a dear. You will be missed if you hole up. A lot.
If you invite friends over, and you should, if your house isn't perfect, they can pitch in. If lunch isn't all put together, have them cut the apples or something. When I go to a friends house, it often helps me not to feel awkward (and useless) if I am given a simple yet helpful task.
As an introverted extrovert, life is awkward. Share the joy with some buddies! On occassion. ;)