Sunday, August 1, 2010

I Wish I Could Be Transformed by Pouring Water on Myself

As I work through the Be Transformed Bible study (which got transformed by my spilling water on it last week, by the way...), I've been thinking about expectations. The current lesson rightly connects expectations, anger, and bitterness.

It evoked some heart-searching in me, to be sure. I made a list of the expectations I have, who I believe should fulfill them (myself, my spouse, my parents or others) and whether or not I feel they have been fulfilled. Let me tell you, I have many more "unfulfilled" areas of my life than my life actually warrants. 

There's the rub. I am a feelings person. I know how detrimental that can be. My struggle with depression has been a lesson in faith in God's Word when outward circumstances seem to contradict his promises or character. Still, I am a feelings person. Perhaps I shouldn't verbalize that about myself...what I'm getting at in any case is that while I know Chris, my family or whoever can't fulfill my expectations in several areas, I still need those areas fulfilled. I need to be loved, accepted, understood, wanted.

When I step back, I know I am all of those things. Yet, I don't feel it at all. I think the only way anyone can confirm they truly love, accept, etc. me is by communicating in the way I think they should. One of the things the Bible study suggested doing is praying that God would help me to relinquish the expectations I have for others.

Ack. That's a hard one...

Does that mean I have to resign myself to the way things are? Do I have to simply rid myself of the feelings are far as possible? That doesn't seem right. If not, what does yielding my expectations look like?

As I continue to walk this section of the path, I'll let you know what I learn as I learn it. I pray that I will soon realize God's truth in this area, because I know there's no way I can figure it out on my own.

P.S. Maybe my title is more true than I realize. I am continually washed with the water of the Word, and I'm pretty sure that the Word of God is the best kind of transformative power there is.

1 comment:

  1. I have struggled a lot with this very thing, too! Especially this summer. It can be so hard sometimes when expectations aren't met, and I've even lashed out at people and hurt them so much before because of bitterness about unmet expectations, and then I just feel awful about it later.

    And I've realized that many of my expectations have been unreasonable.

    But it can also be hard because, like you said, I'm not sure all of the expectations are BAD to have or are completely unreasonable--but even the good and reasonable ones will not always be met by people in my life. So I try and look to God and rest in Him and His ultimate promises, but yeah--there are still painful *feelings* that He often allows me to experience when I can't seem to let some things go...

    Grace to you, and may God have abundant mercy on all of us in our struggles with dealing with expectations and disappointments.



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