Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Fear & Frontier

I can feel my blood pressure rising, my pulse quicken with anxiety. Why? One word: transition.

A new season of transition has begun. The last one began with Ellie's birth. Now, just when I was feeling like I had motherhood in hand, I turn around to see my five-month-old barrel roll across the floor to get into the Xbox wires, and eat her first solid foods (which I'm going to have to start actually cooking and storing soon), and take two naps instead of four (meaning I have less time for writing and voice acting), in addition to realizing that we're moving across the country in two months, and my husband's going to school and working part-time, and I'm not going to know where the grocery store in Wake Forest is.

It's new, and so it scares me. And while slipping into the all-too-comfortable "American Dream" scares me more, a house, white picket fence and 2.5 children certainly sounds a whole lot safer.

I mean, how will I know who I'm going to be in these new situations? I know how I am now - I can avoid the pitfalls easily. But in the future, when new stresses beset me and I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off because Ellie spilled her milk and rubbed peanut butter in her hair and the maybe-new-baby is squalling because he/she rolled over onto a sticker and I haven't taken a shower in two days and we have to adjust the grocery budget because prices went up and income went down and we're taking our first overseas family mission trip in three weeks...then, who will I be? How will I handle it? Can I accomplish every task set out for me in that dark frontier of the days I've not yet lived?

But isn't this a picture of my whole life? Have I ever really known what I was doing? I'd say no, and as it turns out, God has not failed me in staying true to his good, gracious, sovereign character to date. This doesn't make my feelings go away, but the Word does command me not to be afraid. It says to bring my requests to God in prayer and thanksgiving, instead. Friends, if you think of me, will you pray that I will turn my fear of transition over to the Lord in thankful prayer as soon as it arises? I could use the prayers, and the reminders of just how in control God is over periods of great change.


  1. Glad to be on this ever-changing journey with you, my friend! Lord willing, we can do it together and laugh in the face of shrinking budgets with our fistfuls of CVS coupons :-)

  2. Oh, my dear precious daughter, I started praying for you before I ever finished reading what you wrote. Our God is plenty big enough to cover and keep you. The Word also tells us to not lean on your own understanding, but in all our ways we are to acknowledge Him. He will direct your paths. And... Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow, today has enough cares of its own. May the peace that surpasses understanding guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

  3. I know how you feel! You can do it. Everything that has every happened to you has probably worked out eventually, right? You already know God is in control, and that's a good place to be in. Praying for your peace, and a (nearly) anxiety free transition :)

  4. Fellow dreaders of change unite! Everything you said resonates with me, Jaimie. Recently God showed me that I am too focused on hoping that certain things in my life won't change instead of appreciating what I have as long as I have it. I already have a horrible record when it comes to predicting my future, so what makes me still think I know how my life will unfold? I suspect that getting this into my head would help me enjoy life a lot more. I'll be praying that you too can find joy, not fear, in every new chapter of your life (pun totally intended).


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