So...I skipped class today.
It is only the second time I've skipped class all semester, and I was coming back from a doctor's appointment and knew I couldn't make it to school on time.
So, dear reader, tell me why I feel so darn guilty!
My entire life, I've built my sense of self-worth on the things I've gotten "right." It creates a strange pride: self-love when I succeed and self-loathing when I fail, as if I am the only one in the world not allowed to be imperfect.
Seriously, how do you extricate that kind of thinking/behavior from your lifestyle when it's all you've know for twenty years? Only by the grace of God, I'm told. I'm waiting for that specific grace as if waiting for a bolt of lightning to strike, even though I know that God tends to work more...progressively, I suppose. I must admit, I don't like the fact that sanctification takes time.
No duh, right?
I am an impatient person. I'm impatient with myself, and I'm impatient with God. Might as well face the facts.
That's where I'm at, and I joy in the knowledge that I won't be here forever. This will take baby steps, like most worthwhile things do. Here goes step one.