Transparencies, Third Part

I'm the kind of girl who yearns to escape. 

I want to know how to combat that sense of being caged in my own mind, grasping at a ladder with rungs made of air, trying to stop a spinning globe with my index finger on the exact island I mean to touch.
Such chaos and insecurity makes me run from reality.

Running is my way of playing peek-a-boo with the world--if I can't see it, it must not be there.

Sometimes I wonder what good can be salvaged from the tangled mess that is my heart. Distantly, I know that God is creating beauty from ashes, but my heart still hurts.

Like David, I cry out to you, God, in desperation I can't fully articulate.