Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Ditching the Drama?

Please pray for the families in Norman who lost loved ones and/or homes/property in the tornado.
Sometimes looking at old pictures makes me sad. Wistful might be a better word. After the last ten times of not doing so, I've made a mental note that I shouldn't go all nostalgic and pour over photo albums (digital or not) when I'm already quite melancholy.

I know for a fact it's possible not to do this. For example, Chris doesn't. What is it that keeps my heart hanging on to periods of time that I'm glad are over and would never want to experience again?

I'm telling you, it's the proverbial rose-tinted glasses that gets me! I've always felt things deeply--often more deeply than is appropriate--so any moment of high joy or dramatic despair from the past has a foothold in my memory. And yes, I chew on some old despairs as much as joys because the despair is over now, and I can appreciate the sheer drama of the situation.

I guess it's a guilty pleasure of mine, drama. Not the I-dyed-my-hair-blonde-and-you-told-the-guy-I-liked-how-ugly-you-think-it-is kind of drama, but epic, Pride & Prejudice-y, grandiose music swelling in the background kind of drama.

It's silly! As if life isn't dramatic enough without my hyperbolic interpretation of it! I'll be honest. I think that drama has given me a goal throughout my life. That is, I think that if I am part of the story, I can make it end the way I want it to. So, no matter what happens in between, the drama is going to be awesome because all's well that ends well, right?

If you don't know the answer to that question, please refer to reality now,  as it took me too long to do so! :p

I think this is but one of the infinite reasons that we need God more than life itself. Our hearts are built to participate in a grand, sweeping narrative way over our heads. Our hearts long for a reason for the extent of both pain and delight we are able to feel. That vague ache in our hearts must be homesickness--we won't be what we were truly meant to be until we're home.

And then, my meager stories will be swallowed in glory, when everything we hope in, everything we love, comes to completion--Christ the King will reign forever and ever!

I love this verse--it has carried me through many dark moments:
"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." (1 John 3:2)

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