and the new has come.
If you know me well or have read closely into my posts here, you've probably picked up that I have been struggling with severe depression. It had been building up for a long time; much longer than I initially realized, as I didn't trust Chris's pointing out the signs to me.
It felt awful. The only was to describe depression is...unreality. The world seems dark, regardless of the circumstances, and you cannot imagine life outside of your shadowed microcosm at all. All the things you know you love, you have no motivation to pursue.
I tell you this because I want to proclaim the goodness of God to you:
I am being healed! YES!
Through incredible support and love from family and friends, and the help of knowledgeable doctors, I am being healed.
I'm becoming a happy person again--I had forgotten that I used to be!--and finding joy in the blessings that are all around me, like, uh, a frickin-amazing husband.
More importantly, the clouds are breaking in my spiritual sky, and I can "see" God again. I'm not saying that there won't be constructive times when my relationship with God is just not emotional, but I felt utterly severed during this period. How do you rise above something like this, I asked myself?
As a fellow church member pointed out, you feel as if you're in a hole, digging yourself deeper, having no other action you're able to perform except continuous digging.
God DRAWS us out. Just take a look at Psalms. He RESCUES. He SAVES: the salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the ultimate example, and God extends that same salvation to us, daily.
That, my friends, is how our Mighty God LOVES.
What we can't do, He is able to do. Who we can't be, He lives through us and gives us a new heart so we can be new people.
This is my song; this is my David moment. Let me sing and dance for joy, because God is so GOOD!
Thanks for being so real about what God is doing in your life! I had a really low time my sophomore year of college. I can relate to some extent. I was no longer interested in my favorite things, and every little thing seemed like too much to handle. But thankfully, as you are experiencing, there is great HOPE and RENEWAL in God. Things will get better! You will feel like yourself again!
ReplyDeleteI must say, I look back on that time in life as one of the times that I grew the most. I wouldn't give it up even though it was painful. It gave me a new perspective. "The shadow proves the sunshine!"
Praise God He is working so evidently in your life.
Also. One of the passages I clung to as God was bringing me out of the pit was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." Amazing!!! God will use your experience to impact others through you. It's awe-inspiring to see God use your painful times to help others in their time of need. I've experienced this two-fold, and it was both humbling and incredible to be able to be there for others as they walked through their own valleys.
K, that was WAY too much. Done!
PS - Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't know when your depression started but I can say that when John and I first got married. I went down a huge spiral of depression. I was depressed for months and months. It was awful. But it got better and I am happy to see you are getting better too! Praise Jesus!
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